The Joke Was On Me

After my first attempt at college, I spent over 15 years beating myself up mentally and emotionally because I was a college dropout.
There was a period during my 20's when I thought no women would ever date me because I was a chubby college dropout who was chronically UNDEREMPLOYED.
Underemployed means you're not doing work that makes full use of your skills and abilities. Because I felt so unworthy, I basically would just apply for jobs waiting tables and/or call center jobs. I constantly felt like I wasn't good enough.
I was ashamed because I felt like this wasn't supposed to happen to me. My life wasn't supposed to be this way.
I remember living in an apartment complex in Durham, NC that was so bad, I would drive around my building each night before I would park my car.
This way, I would know if somebody was hiding out waiting to rob me.
I was working a shitty 2nd shift job where I wouldn't get home until 2 am, and at least once a month someone in the complex would get their apartment broken into.
Luckily for me, the only time someone broke into my apartment was when I first signed the lease and I hadn't moved in yet.
The apartment leasing offices would always know me on a first-name basis because I was constantly paying my rent late. One of my lowest moments came when I was waiting tables, and two people I'd gone to high school and college with sat at my table. I lied and told them I was working my way through grad school.
After so many years of beating myself up mentally and emotionally, I finally went back to college to finish my degree. The whole time I kept thinking when I get this degree, the whole world is going to change!
I remember walking across the stage to get my degree, and it was one of the happiest moments of my life.
When the excitement settled down after a few months, I started to realize something.
Nothing had really changed.
I was still the same person, still working the same shitty job. What I realized in that moment, is that the joke was on me.
I'd spent all these years talking down to myself, feeling like a loser just because I didn't have a college degree.
All those years I spent playing the role of a victim and feeling bad about myself just because of a fucking piece of paper.
That same piece of paper is framed in my office, and I hardly even notice it hanging on the wall anymore.
When your self-esteem and happiness are centered around external things like a car, a college degree, a house, etc....you'll always feel unfulfilled and unhappy.
Some of you are just like I was a few years ago.
Constantly beating yourself up emotionally
Constantly telling yourself you aren't good enough
Constantly UNDEREMPLOYED
Constantly living the worst moments of your life over and over in your head.
